The True Meaning of Cluelessness
by CatchingWind
Summary: A different kind of revelation fic! Dani's been outed to her parents as a half-ghost, but they're still in the dark about *ahem* a few details. So Dani plays clueless to lead her parents offtrack. Knowing her life, this won't turn out well... -AU story-


**A different sort of revelation fic! With my wonderful AU characters! YAY!**

**Some of this was inspired by revelation fics where Danny's parents confront him and he doesn't even try to defend himself or deny it. You think he would, considering it's a pretty big secret. Another some of this was inspired with the fact that it seems people in Amity Park are pretty clueless. I don't think Danny (or Dani, in this case (;) is the clueless one, I think it's his peers and everyone else. The last some of this was inspired by one of the more recent episodes of Phineas and Ferb, "Meapless in Seattle", I think it was called. Anywho, I thought, **_**Why not link together some random stuff like the writers had to do?**_** So… yeah. Read below and you'll see that the joke is on me. They were the first three things that came to mind.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Danny Phantom except for my stories and twists.**

The True Meaning of Cluelessness

Everybody calls me clueless. I don't know why, because if anything, they're the clueless ones. I mean, come on! Everybody, except for my dopey teachers and my parents when they're mad at me, knows me as Dani! When _Dani Phantom _showed up, I thought for sure somebody would figure it out awfully quick. But it's been almost a year now and still nothing.

I think they may be talking about Noah and me. Everybody calls us lovebirds, even my parents! Now I do have to admit, I like him a whole lot, but I'm still too young to _love_ somebody. The same goes for Noah. But everybody claims that I'm clueless to him liking me. With all of the hints he's been shooting lately, how can somebody be clueless?

I had it figured out a while ago. Near the beginning of the school year, I suppose. That's when I started having feelings for him as well. I'm just too scared to admit it. Me, the oh-so-fearless Dani Phantom. So I play the clueless card. It works well, but I think it may be starting to get on Noah's nerves. I'll have to work on it.

Now I bet you're thinking, _The clueless card? That's so stupid! _Well, I hate to break it to you, but you probably use it a whole lot more than you think, especially when you've done something bad or you _haven't _done something. How many of you in the past week have gone "I didn't know!" when your mom reprimanded you for not doing the dishes, when in reality, you wasted the time playing video games? Maybe the instance isn't that for you, but I bet you it's something very close to that scenario.

Trust me, I use it a lot more than I really should. Especially with homework assignments and ghost attacks. Two very unrelated things, yes, but fifty percent of the time it works.

And I'm not counting the whole mess with my relationship with Noah.

Take about a month ago for example. I had to keep it up for quite some time, and things got pretty messy. And by messy, I mean messy involving a tour bus, fake snow, and a kazoo.

Oh, I have you intrigued, now, do I?

Well, I'll tell you about it.

Like I said, it all happened about a month ago. It was time for our yearly well-check, and my doctor said that she wanted to take a blood sample to make sure I hadn't developed any allergies or diseases or anything. I really hadn't thought anything of it, but boy, was that a stupid mistake…

_Flash back so that the authoress/narrator can tell the story in sort-of present tense…_

"Now, Danielle, this won't hurt a bit," Dr. Fettuccini informed me. I was doing my best to keep my eyes off the needle looming above the bend in my elbow.

"Dani," I automatically corrected. I used to let people call me whatever they want, but I try to keep with one name now so I don't mix myself up. Of course, using only one name _could _mix myself up worse…

I winced when I felt the pinch, but I told myself it was a whole heck of a lot better than getting punched in the gut by Vlad Plasmius. The needle was withdrawn, and I kept reciting to myself that I'd still be hurting had that been a ghost-induced injury.

"Very good, Danielle!" Dr. Fettuccini praised me. She laid the vial of my blood on the counter beside her clipboard. She made a few notes in that unintelligible doctor-handwriting on that clipboard, then turned to face me again. "You're free to go!"

"Thank you," I muttered. I hated the doctor's office, and not just because of the whole I'm-a-half-ghost-and-I-could-get-outed-and-sent-to-the-government-or-my-parents-to-get-ripped-apart-molecule-by-molecule thing. I've always hated it, partially because of their creepy attitudes. They're always happy, even when they're telling you "Oh, you have two months to live! Teehee!"

I hadn't thought twice about the fact that she'd just taken my blood. My _hybrid_ blood.

Mom looked up from her three-year-old magazine and nudged Jazz softly in the arm. The two of them rose from their seats, and we headed out the door. As far as I knew, I was kissing that place goodbye.

Heh.

So things were pretty much as they were for a week or so, the same schedule – get up, go to school, save the town. Same old, same old, right? That is, until the call came from my pediatrician (why my parents still take Jazz and me to a pediatrician even though we're 17 and 15 respectively still confounds me…).

I was busy half-watching some over-excited newbie news reporter babbling on and on about my latest save (let's just say I prevented a certain Box Ghost from building his, and I quote, "Fortress of DOOOOM!") when the call came. My mom looked at the caller ID questioningly, but stepped into the kitchen to speak with the caller. I paid no attention to it.

About two minutes later, my mom came into the room looking as pale as a ghost. She shuffled into her coat and began ordering me to do the same. I frowned.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked, really confused.

"We're going to the doctor," she replied tautly. I didn't question her, because she was in panic-mom-mode.

We were called in almost immediately. Dad was already there, for some strange reason. Dr. Fettuccini must've called him first, and he got her quicker since he was out on ghost patrol, something I'd already taken care of.

"Is everything okay, Dr. Fettuccini?" Mom asked, but by the tone of her voice, she knew that something was very wrong with me. At that time, I was starting to freak out some since I was remembering the blood-test and my half-ghost status. My mind was flying a mile a minute. I couldn't assume anything yet, but I had to be at the ready in case my premonitions were correct.

The doctor sighed. "Well, I took Danielle's blood – " _– Dani –_ " – to make sure she wasn't having any issues. Upon closer observation, though…" she trailed off. My parents were leaning forward eagerly, but not the good kind of eagerly. I was trying to shrink back and wonder if I could phase out of here and not get noticed.

"Yes?" Dad prompted. Whatever the news was, he would take it a lot better than Mom.

Dr. Fettuccini sighed once more. "I contacted the Guys in White agency upon my observations, and together we concluded that…" She took a deep breath, and I knew I was doomed. The news was so impossible that even she couldn't say a word.

"Your daughter is infected with ectoplasm."

I'd been dreaming about the moment forever, and in my dreams, I was pleading for them not to pull guns out and aim them directly at me, but sometimes they did anyway. Those were some of my worst nightmares.

But that moment right there was a hundred times worse.

There was a dead silence throughout the tiny examination room. I was squirmy on the inside, itching to try and get out, but I erased that expression on my face and changed it to a look of worry. Mom and Dad were both gaping, and Dr. Fettuccini's eyes were flickering from one to the other, and then up to me.

Mom was the first one to speak. "… What?" was all she said, and I couldn't blame her. I'd had the same reaction when I found out I was 'dead' (at the time, I didn't realize I was half-ghost. I thought I was completely dead.).

"Danielle has been infected with ectoplasm. This could mean a number of things, according to the Guys in White," Dr. Fettuccini explained. She began ticking things off of her fingers. "She may possess ghost powers, a ghost may have taken place in her, or she could even be lingering in some sort of death-like state." It took all my willpower not to flinch at the last reason.

Dad, for once was speechless, until he stuttered, "D-do you know which one it is?"

My doctor pondered this for awhile before answering. "The experts are almost positive that she may just possess ghost powers, and nothing more. But there is a possibility that she _is _in a half-dead state."

_Yeah. You don't know the half of it. No pun intended there, Doc, I save those for my fights._

My parents wheeled on me. "Why didn't you tell us!" they screeched simultaneously, and I flinched then.

My mind was reeling even faster now. I had to debate in the next ten seconds what to tell them.

I wanted to just spill the truth right then and there, just tell them everything. The portal, being Dani Phantom, everything. But could I with my pediatrician standing in the room with us? Clearly, there was no getting her out of the room, and I didn't want to tell them with her right there. If she called the Guys in White the minute she found something wrong with my blood and I spilled the beans about my spectral secret, I was bound to be dissected within the week. Besides, I was still unsure of how my parents would treat me if they found out. Their reactions were still a bit unreadable.

But I couldn't just stay silent either, or they'd get mad at me. Same with the doctor, as I could just tell she was dying to know. Make a break for it? Yeah, right, then they'll assume I'm being possessed and I'll be in some real trouble. Just shrug it off and claim I don't know? Naw, my parents aren't that clueless, and I'm almost certain my doctor isn't. Spout out some random –

Wait a minute.

If I play it right… I could use the claim to 'I don't know' to my advantage. I'm a fairly good actress, and I bet I could fool the pants off of them.

So I pretended to be speechless, just like my parents had been. "W-what?" I stammered, trying to come off as scared as possible without seeming like I was really faking it. My parents' expressions softened.

"Sweetie, did you know about this?" my mother asked gently, laying a gloved hand on my arm. I shook my head wildly with a fearful expression on my face. So far, so good! Maybe this is what I should've done all along!

"Oh, Dani!" she cried, throwing her arms around me. On instinct, I almost immediately returned the hug, but I remembered that I was now the shocked-beyond-belief Dani Fenton. So I hesitated a few seconds, then embraced her back. She released me and looked me in the eye.

"We will do everything in our power to help you, sweetheart," she told me in her serious tone, but it was hinted with a tinge of worry. "We'll tell your teachers – "

"NO!" I exclaimed a bit too quickly. Mom gave me a confused look, and I gave a tiny giggle. "I-I mean I want to be treated normally. I'll deal with it."

Mom hesitated. Obviously, she wanted her sort-of-dead daughter to have the best care possible, at school and at home. "Alright. If that's what you want," she finally agreed. I breathed a quiet sigh of relief. One thing's for sure, my teachers aren't as clueless as my parents.

Dad spoke up, saying more than one word this time. "That must be what happened during your little lab accident!" he told me excitedly. _Little?_ was all that ran through my head. "And that also must be why our inventions keep keying into you!" Mom smacked her forehead, and I put a pondering look on my face.

"I guess that makes sense," I muttered meekly. Of course, I knew the real reason why, but they weren't about to find that out anytime soon, now were they?

Mom nodded. "Yes, we'll reconfigure all of our inventions so that they don't track you down." I considered this for real. There would be some downsides to it, but it would be nice to not have the Ghost Gabber repeat back every little thing I say and add 'fear me' to the end.

"And we can run tests!" Dad proclaimed mindlessly, rising up out of his seat abruptly. Mom gave him a pointed glare, and I looked at him warily. Thankfully, that silenced him and sat him back down.

"Oh, you poor thing!" Mom moaned again, burying her face into my shoulder. This time, I was a bit quicker to return the embrace.

"I don't want to be dead," I murmured into her ear. By this point it was so hard to not smile. To be honest, I was awfully proud of myself for being able to keep this act up and not break down and just spill everything. It was actually kind of fun, like I was playing a game against myself. Testing myself to see if I had enough skill to fool my parents.

Mom raised her head up and looked at me. "Well, I'm sure we can do something about it," she considered to herself. "There has to be a way we can extract the ectoplasm out of your system – "

"No!" I shouted for the second time in less than two minutes. This time, I needed to think to come up with a witty comeback.

"Why ever not?" my mother marveled. I stole a quick glance at my father and Dr. Fettuccini. My father was shooting me a very befuddled glance, and the doctor was just looking at me with an unreadable expression, nodding minutely.

"Well…" I dragged out, trying not to sound obvious, yet trying to stall. An idea popped into my head. "If I have ectoplasm in my system, then that means I'm living on it, right? And if it gets taken out of me, I'll die!" My mom just seemed to be as confused as my dad, but Dr. Fettuccini was nodding more pronouncedly.

"Yes, yes," she said, taking a step forward. "Tests have shown that she cannot survive without ectoplasm. It seems to be… embedded in her system, if you will."

Really? An adult agreed with me?

Sweet.

… Wait… maybe not.

"Oh dear," Mom said, putting a slender finger to her chin. "Is there any way to harness the energy so it won't hurt her? I don't know if I can bear to see my daughter like this…" I couldn't help but flinch at the last statement. _Yeah, Mom. You probably wouldn't be able to even look at me if you really knew the truth of it._

Dr. Fettuccini hesitated. "I'm not educated in that area of expertise. I suppose it's something for you guys to discover amongst yourselves. I'm sure that there's something you can do to restrain the ectoplasm within her."

Yup. Adults agreeing with me equals not good.

If my parents did manage to create a device that would lock the ghost in me away, how could I protect the town? I know the people in this town are pretty ignorant, but surely they'd notice the disappearance of their hero. And even if I could get it off, or whatever, would it be a permanent harm?

Welcome to my life as a teenage ghost hybrid.

**So, how do you like it? I was going to put this on my other account… but then I changed my mind. Check out 'CynicalWonderings' for an explanation on this AU!**

**-CatchingWind**


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